LATEST NOISE

1.You’re allergic to fun…

 

2. You put your money in a low yield ISA and have lost your card and can’t afford the train fare…

 

3. You are lost on a desert island and no one knows where you are, except your friend the football…

 

4. You booked a holiday in Ayia Napa instead…

 

5. You like Morrissey…

 

6. You love to bring up Brexit at dinner parties predominantly populated by Guardian readers.

 

7. You’re Nigel Farage.

 

8. You think Vienetta is just a relic of the 90’s, and not, as it actually is, a completely legitimate finale to a dinner party which oddly started with Ferrero Roche. (What was that about!?)

 

9. You have a really annoying friend who you’ve never really liked but somehow tolerated, and have now ended up as a bridesmaid at their wedding, which is selfishly planned for Saturday 8th July, on the Faroe islands…

 

10. You don’t have a pulse.